I used to be so independent.
Independent in a bad way.
I got independence confused with strength. I thought it meant I was capable.
I was so independent I didn’t know how to reach out & get help when I needed it. It never even occurred to me.
I was so independent I ended up isolating myself, even when I realized what I wanted most was support and connection.
I hope for your sake this doesn’t sound familiar.
But I know now, I’m not alone in behaving this way. I see a strong trend in my clients and my social communities.So I’ve had to examine this closely, and crawl my way out of that dead-end.
We all have to become independent in a good way, but some of us need to ditch being independent in a bad way as a way of approaching life.
I’ve discovered something that other smart, capable people know: they do better in group settings.
And when I discovered it, it was as if a complete revelation. Life became so much lighter. It wasn’t long before, I wanted the people I work with to experience the same life-changing epiphany.
That’s why you’ve all seen a big change in how I work with people, and it’s proving really effective, really fast.
I think one reason why smart, capable people in my programs are becoming so skilled at making the health changes they set out to is because they are connected to everybody else in the group, anytime day or night. They can post struggles and wins in our forum, we celebrate each other and keep each other accountable, and we’re checking in at least once a week so they don’t slide backwards. They’re part of the inner cirlce – they have me, and they have each other.
And, they have an accountability buddy assigned. If I’m honest I think, at first ,most people feel apprehension at best and sort of hate the idea at worst, but once they get have some initial chats they quickly get comfortable. In fact I’ve seen a big progression – our members are really discovering the magic of this – a person to check in with about once a week in whatever way feels supportive. Some people like being able to text or voice memo someone to let them know they’re doing the thing they said they would, some people like a little encouragement, definitely everyone enjoys being there for someone else.
Imagine if you knew someone was going to check in with you whether you went for the run you said you were going to, or get into bed earlier tonight. Would you be more likely to do it? Would there be a little friction or discomfort knowing you had to admit to someone if you didn’t? Could that become something that you use to your advantage, to motivate yourself and make sure you have integrity with what you promise to yourself?
Coming from a place of kindness, accountability is awesome, because we’re terrible at it. We struggle when we have to play 2 roles: to be both kind to ourselves, and disciplinary to ourselves. Doing something alone feels heavy. Doing it together feels light.
If we lose the discipline, we let ourselves off the hook, but we continue to beat ourselves up relentlessly for it the moment we do.
Group momentum takes over the disciplinary task, and somehow takes care of both – it doesn’t let you off the hook and it also creates an environment where you’re not beating yourself up with negative self-talk. Win-Win!
To find out more about learning to do Ayurveda with a group that’s dedicated to thrive, check out the Vitality Recharge.
Working In Groups for Success
In the end, your success will come from replacing old habits with better habits. You can’t get behavior change from a book, of even from a consultation. You can only get it being situated in a group. If you haven’t unlocked that yet, there’s something untapped you’re missing You can’t get you can’t get habit change science from a book. You need a coach and a group.
Hold the space, witness.
Story of native American circle traditions, and why it works to be heard, listened to, have your experience validated and healed.
This group taught me the power of bond and helped me build my business.
I am amazed with the power of the group to provide the space for expression, support, discussion, sharing, compassion, growth and laughter. It’s a sacred space. We definitely evolve better in (good) company. – Veronica Laurel
This value of nurturing and co-creating allows us as a group to design an experience that supports growth and confidence. To be heard and seen and share.
Just a share.. I’ve been coaching a woman 1 on 1 and am realizing how important it is to evolve in a group. She started to fall off her assignments and was getting hard on herself, so I decided to be her group. I made both of us commitment forms and we are texting each other our progress. It’s working so far, and it’s cool because I am going to my growing edge of being more available. And I am really learning the power of the group myself. (And yes, I did let her know the benefit of the group would serve her).
I believe that the power of the tribe goes beyond my imagination. Leaning in to and supporting group momentum is imperative to success
I know as I expand in my evolutionary truth my vibratory essence invites creative partnerships with like minded explorers
It is possible to groove new patterns in our brains and dull old ones. Old patterns are still there so course-correcting as needed is nb.
Dr Ornish trial where working in groups and with ongoing support achieved better and longer lasting outcomes for patients.
Learn how to identify high-leverage behaviors that lead to rapid and profound change, apply strategies for changing both thoughts and actions and marshal six sources of influence to make change inevitable
Findings demonstrate that group dynamics associate with weight loss outcomes, attendance, and adherence. Addressing conflicts and fostering acceptance among group members may promote success in group-based lifestyle interventions for obesity.
Researchers at UCLA have identified a broad biological and behavioral pattern that explains a key method used by women to cope with stress -and at the same time highlights one of the most basic differences between men’s and women’s behavior. This pattern, referred to by UCLA principal investigator Shelley E.Taylor as “tend and befriend,” shows that females of many species,including humans, respond to stressful conditions by protecting and nurturing their young (the “tend” response), and by seeking social contact and support from others – especially other females (the “befriend”response).
“The UCLA study also found that women are far more likely than men to”befriend” in response to stress – seeking social contact when they are feeling stressed, with befriending methods ranging from talking on the phone with relatives or friends, to such simple social contacts as asking for directions when lost. “This difference in seeking social support during stressful periods is the principal way men and women differ in their response to stress,and one of the most basic differences in men’s and women’s behavior,”Taylor said.
FYI – deeper thread is happening on Body Thrive forum on “eating disorders”. The reason I draw our attention is that a shift happens when there is trust in your dynamic group – regardless of size. As we unfold and evolve we become more transparent, which is vulnerable and scary. The group holds the container to make it safe enough to explore.
Then the whole group evolves, along with the individual who took the risk to acknowledge a deeper layer. Powerful to see this in action.